It was late and getting dark. Whilst I was still plodding home from a late night in the office, everyone else seemed to already be at home. The streets were deserted and most of the cars were parked. I was in a post-work daze when, suddenly, something stroked the top of my head and right shoulder.
My mind raced through the possibilities. Had someone been hiding in the bushes? Had Alexandra Palace got itself its own beast? Would I survive?!
Immediately, I went into ninja mode. Arms up, leg out, knee high but, and this is where my training is lacking, eyes closed.
Had they been open, I’d have known I was threatening to fight a low-hanging branch. Suddenly I was quite pleased there was no one to be seen, despite being quite impressed with my instincts. Saying that, had I been faced with more than an over-grown bush, I had no moves. I wouldn’t be fighting, more hoping that the attacker would be scared off by the possibility I may know Kung Fu.
This isn’t the only time my somewhat shaky fight or flight instincts have been called upon, it turns out I’m quite skittish. I’ve run away from doors closing unexpectedly, lunged at newly-popped toast and yelped at elevator bing bongs. All absolutely harmless, obviously.
But what if that branch had been slightly more threatening? I’ve have been pretty easy to beat with my limbs hanging every which way and my eyes closed. Whether it’s learning what to do with my fists or knowing when to run, my instincts need training.
Luckily Gymbox, with its ridiculously long list of ever-changing classes, can teach me how to ‘Bitchbox’ my way out of any situation or use newly-flexed yogic hips to sprint away, wrestle someone to the ground or escape to the hills by bike, grapple like a Brazilian or dance from danger.
So watch out, low-hanging branches, loud noises and flying food, next time I’ll know what to do.